by Kerri Stocks

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The Medical Model was developed to tell humans what was ‘defective’ with our bodies - the  theoretical ‘human norm’ was, and is, determined by theorists according to statistics and how the “general public” functions in life – the middle 65 percent of the population.

Perhaps this will help explain why it is such a struggle to change peoples mindsets about our kids because the standards do NOT take into consideration the various personalities, environmental factors etc.

Taking “the other road” with ASD, simply means that we, as parents, are seeking & finding alternative ways to empower ourselves when trying to work more successfully with our children who are on the Autism Spectrum.  My message is that I believe we have within us the ability to provide anything our children needs – apart from the prescriptions / meds / surgery etc that is supplied by the doctors, of course.

Pseudo-professionals – OT’s, Speech Therapist’s etc, were originally developed because those doctors that operated within the Medical Model as it was at the time, couldn’t really dedicate the time needed to work effectively on the specific areas that were deemed ‘defective’.  Things like Motor skills, Audio processing, Receptive language, Expressive language etc took too long to see progress, and so a suite of these “pseudo-professionals” began to spring up.  This allowed the doctors to be doctors, and it also paved the way for other people to study the finer points of each particular area in greater detail.  It also gave them the opportunity to develop clinics where they could create an income for themselves in their own special area of expertise. But understand, they still have to operate within the structures and guidelines provided by the Medical Model and the “general population”.

Now, humans have a great need to be accepted and to ‘fit in’, and if we behave or look differently to the norm, we are often shunned by our peers to the point that we can begin to worry about what is wrong with us.  So in order to gain our much-needed acceptance, our search leads us to the offices of psychs, counsellors, and therapists to find out how to fix what is wrong with us so that we can fit in and live happily ever after.

Please understand – we are NOT saying that therapists aren’t good or effective, but what we are saying at ASD101.com, and is what I have found through my own personal experience, firstly as a mother but then as an academic and a professional, is that there is such a simple process to helping a child with Autism – and that this “other road” works especially well for parents because parents bring with them a mountain-load of compassion, patience and persistence that others may not necessarily have personally, or have time for.

But more than anything, parents bring with them a deep knowing of who their child really is. A lot, though not all, pseudo-professionals and academic theorists in the current Medical Model get so caught up in a system that is difficult to change, that they can only approach things in such a way that creates doubt and confusion in a parent’s mind, all the while eroding the parent’s self-confidence and helping them become victims to the merry-go-round that is the Therapist’s world – and unfortunately the child must tag along whether they want to or not.

A lady recently posted on the Facebook page how she had a great time skating and doing other things with her son – he loved it, learned spacial awareness, built stronger motor skills etc, and all in the outdoors laughing with his family – isn’t that a much better approach than sitting in an office having a stranger deal ineffectively with your child?

However, the trick with the “Other Road” that most parents don’t realise or aren’t told, is that even though you most probably need some guidance in how to take this other road, essentially you have all the tools within you and at your fingertips, to use in the right way for you so that you, your child and your family can move forward with success. Amazingly, when I tell my private consulting clients this news, it’s like a light comes on inside them as they begin to see the possibilities and the light at the end of the tunnel.

So, to this end I am expanding my work and have documented what I have done, what I know and have learned at university, and I am in the process of developing all the tools that I have used for my own success with my own family, and for that of my clients. Together with the team at ASD101.com, it is my aim to help parents learn these skills, own their own power, and start to really enjoy being a parent without so many of the hiccups that parenting tends to throw – and it’s done on their own terms, not on the terms as set down by statistics and theories of the Medical Model.

In my private consulting practice, I go through a process of identifying the areas where you are struggling, and I work with you to provide straight-forward specifics to help you keep focus on your child’s development, growth & success, all the while keeping their dignity in tact.

Now, as much as I would dearly love to be able to just give everything away to everyone, I have found that this doesn’t put food on the table for my own family or pay my rent.  So, in order to keep getting the message out there, I have had to place a very small fee on my products and services so that I can continue to dedicate my life to helping as many parents as possible. However, in comparison to going down the regular “Therapist’s” road, you will find it so much cheaper in time, money and well-being for everyone.

But just so you know that I stand behind everything I do, I also offer a special 100% money-back guarantee on all my downloadable products – if you don’t like what I’ve written, then all you have to do is contact me within 365 days from the date of the sale and I will be able to issue a refund to you – no questions asked.  Now you can’t get any better than that I don’t think – what therapist is willing to do that? Not too many, I’m sure.

So as you can see, I’m serious about trying to help you and ASD101.com and I have been able to develop ways that will help keep costs down to the minimum, but still give you great value – but don’t worry, I am still giving so much more for free.  And even in the Free Stuff you will be able to glean huge amounts of knowledge, tips and hints to help you.

You can access these through my website, through my affiliations with organisations (as mentioned from tim to time on the website and via the WotsNormal Newsletter), the ASD101.com website and Newsletter, my articles, the FAQ sections of both websites, and of course my Blog.

And just in closing, while I have sought to keep my prices and fees as low as possible so that it is within reach of everyone, to the point of even introducing easy, convenient Payment Plans on certain products and services, let me share something with you – once you experience success for yourself and your family, you will see for yourself that it will have been well worth any investment you make many times over

Click Here to sign up to my FREE  Newsletter and be sure to check out my new book “A Parent’s Guide for Living with ASD” – I hope you enjoy it.

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“My son has autism and is almost 4 – he won’t toilet train, is still on a bottle and dummy, and wont eat more than 1 meal a day. Can you provide any ideas?”

Kerri Stocks Says:

Toilet training a neuro-typical child can be a stressful time for any parent – add ASD into the equation and well, the stress levels can increase greatly! ☺

Below are some things to look out for that will hopefully help you determine when the time is right. Once you have done that, you can then move onto using some suggestions below the ‘things to look out for’ to help your child move from nappies to using the toilet.

It is very important though that you remember this is going to be a long process and it is important that you prepare yourself for that.

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Things to look out for before toilet training

• Watch for the signs of your child’s physical readiness in terms of being ready to urinate or open his/hers bowels by expressions on their face, their body posture, or by listening to what the child is saying to you, etc.
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• Can your child partly dress themselves and undress themselves?
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• Look for the signs that your child’s psychological and intellectual ability is up to the challenge of toilet training.

You can tell this by observing if they are able to follow simple instructions and being partly cooperative; being uncomfortable with the dirty nappy; recognizing their bowel or bladder is full; able to tell you when the child needs to use the toilet; asking to wear to normal underwear.
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• Remember that the biggest tell tale sign of being ready for toilet training is when the child shows discomfort towards the dirty nappy. If the child is kept comfortable in the nappy, they will not become ‘annoyed’ by it and so it would be a good time now to change the nappy for normal underwear.

Now that I can see you cringe at the thought of having a child running around your house without any protection against soiling your house floor or carpet, so below I have put in some suggestions for allowing your child to feel the discomfort of the bladder and bowel movements.  But the biggest lesson – Don’t let your child become comfortable in a nappy!

A child with Autism/ASD adores and needs comfort and predictability and so if they do not feel uncomfortable with a nappy, they will see no point in using the toilet. They are not concerned with theoretical developmental level or chronological ages or societal expectations, or anything else for that matter, other than their comfort zone, and so below are the suggestions that I strongly believe in and that will assist you in toilet training your child.

Just because a child may not communicate verbally, does not mean they do not understand what you want them to do.  A lot of times they may not do it because they just do not want to!

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Tips to help with Toilet Training

• Remove the nappy!
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• Put your child in normal underpants – if you are concerned about your carpets you can buy plastic pants that go over the underpants so your carpets are protected. By doing this you are allowing your child to feel the discomfort of the urine or poo yet still keeping your carpet the way you want it.
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• Buy lots of disinfectant! – This is just a fact. You will need to determine what is more important for you, your home or your child’s toilet training.
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• By pull-ups for your child to wear out when you go shopping, or training pants, yet you do not ever regress back to nappies!

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What to use – This is absolutely yours and your child’s choice

• Toilet – have their favourite character in the toilet room to keep their resistance at a minimal.
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• Potty – put the potty in the lounge room so the child can watch their favourite show and hopefully the resistance will be minimal because the child’s attention is focused on something enjoyable.
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• Potty chair
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• Toilet with mini child seat placed in it so the child does not feel like they will fall through it.

Again it is important that you stick to one routine and maintain it for the length of the toilet training.  If you keep changing things, this will confuse your child and make toilet training unpredictable and your battles will become bigger.

Try picking the colour of potty in your child’s favourite colour and or letting them stick stickers around the edge of it of their favourite characters.

Once you have determined the above you then move onto the routine side of toilet training.

Routine is very important for all of us to succeed. If you decide it is too hard a job to maintain, then you can not use the excuse of Autism for your child’s lack of toilet training.

While ASD may cause more resistance than the average child may give, your child is still capable of being toilet trained, so please stay strong it will eventually pay off!☺

• Make going to the toilet or potty a consistent routine.  Walk your child to the toilet or potty, pull their pants down, sit them down on the toilet or potty.  After the child is finished, pull pants back up, walk to the sink to wash hands, and tell or show the child how good a job they did.  Don’t be afraid to make a fuss over them – clapping, smiling, giving a small toy car as a reward, or a sticker, or something of value to the child.
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• You will most likely get resistance, yet keep your child seated for only a few minutes at a time and slowly progress the length of time, small efforts will eventually grow into massive success.
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• Try emptying your child’s dirty underwear into the potty or toilet in front of the child so the child can see where the bladder and bowel movements are meant to go and what you expect of him/her.
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• Just like we do with little kittens and puppies, we need to set schedule times for toilet breaks. Ask your child if they want to use the toilet, even if you get no response or an actual ‘no!’, still take the child to the potty or toilet twice an hour, follow the routine mentioned above – pulling their pants down, sitting them on the potty or toilet, when finished even if nothing was done, pull pants back up and take the child over to wash their hands. Congratulate them and move onto something engaging for your child. Repeat this routine twice an hour until bed time.
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• If your child it totally resistant (and you really won’t know unless you keep trying one routine for a while); reduce the attempts to once per hour. Remember to make sure you are not reducing it to relieve yourself from tension and stress!
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• You MUST narrate everything you are doing, so eventually the child can achieve it all by themselves, example; “You are going to the toilet, mummy’s pulling your pants down, can you pull your own pants down?” “Are you sitting on the toilet now?” “Have you just done a wee or Poop?” “What will you do now since you have finished on the toilet?” “Pull your pants up”. “Wash your hands now”. And so on.
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• I cannot emphasize enough how important it is that you hold to your routine consistently. Without it, your child will not be able to grasp the concept of toileting him/herself.

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There will be accidents but…………………

• NEVER get angry with your child for having accidents. This could lead to the child resenting anything to do with toilet training and make your job a lot harder. No one wants to do something that has caused them emotional discomfort.
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• Even if your child has an accident, you must follow your routine. Take them to the toilet/potty, sit them there for a few moments and take them off, help them pull their pants up and take them to wash their hands. Remember to narrate the whole process to the child.
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• It’s okay to show a firm voice while you are telling them what they have done, but yelling and screaming will not help.  Practice your “firm voice”  if necessary with phrases like “You have wet/pooped your pants. You needed to use the toilet/potty”, then over time the child will realise that when they sit on the potty/toilet and at least try, they get a great fun response, yet when they go in their pants, they get a negative tone and so this may help them work towards getting the positive response from mum or dad.
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• You should not use punishment when trying to toilet train; this will only make your job a lot harder, but rewards certainly help

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External Rewards

Rewards are a great way of engaging a child. Using stickers, favourite cheap toys, reward chart (though remember charts are usually a delayed reward system and so the child may not be able to link the reward with the use of the toilet.)

At the end of the day, you know your child best and what they like, so use it as leverage to teach your child to use the toilet. Yet you need to remember that a child with ASD is very rarely excited by the ‘aren’t you growing up to be a big boy/girl” reward. They are not focused on making mum or dad happy, and so can not be toilet trained without an immediate currency given to them that they want.

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Reasons a child with ASD may not want to use the toilet

• Sensory discomfort – bathroom is too bright, loud, shiny, noisy water drips, off smells, cold when taking clothes off etc
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• Routine change – not liking to change the routine of using their nappy.

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Some extra steps that may help you ease into the toilet training

• Allow your child to keep their clothes on while sitting on the toilet, then slowly get the child to remove clothes, and then nappy, once comfortable.
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• Use a transition object – perhaps let the child take their favourite book, toy, etc into the toilet. Once the child becomes accustomed to this, they can eventually communicate their need to use the toilet by picking up the book or toy.
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• Use photos of the toilet that they can point to if necessary
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• Encourage your child to get used to saying the word ‘toilet / bathroom’. Sit directly in front of the child with a picture asking them “what is this?” Once the child answers correctly, reward them with something that you know they love.
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• Get your child to become used to sitting or standing in the bathroom. You may find he/she has only associated the bathroom with washing/bathing and so using it for anything else is of no importance and does not suit his routine.
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• Make the time between rewarding the child longer and longer as time goes on.
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• Offer plenty of drinks and encourage your child to consume them to make them urinate more often.
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• When you find out what your child’s favourite edible reward is you must withhold it and only hand it over when the child uses the toilet.
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• If the edible reward wears off and no longer is a motivation you will have to work out a better reward – favourite show, favourite toy etc. You will need to get a timer.

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Things to remember

• It is normal for a child to regress a bit, but the trick is to remain consistent – they will soon get back on track.
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• It is normal for a child to have accidents.
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• It can take up to six months for a child to achieve toilet success.
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• Every child is different and unique, so use your maternal instincts to determine if your child is still ‘getting it’ even though the time frame may not fit any theoretical opinion.
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• Just because your child has some accidents or may refuse to use the toilet does not mean they are resistant to the toilet training process. We all have off days and so do our children. Maybe the child just cannot see the point in going to the toilet since it really is just a useless thing that takes them away from what they really want to do!☺
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• If resistance is too strong, stop for a week and then go back to it.
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• Some ‘professionals’ suggest that you let your child see the parent adult of the same sex using the toilet so they have a visual.
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• Your routine will need to be followed by any care-givers in order for the success to become evident.
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• Obviously seek medical advice from your General Practitioner if the issues are ongoing for a very long period of time. Having a cut-off goal of six months will let you and the ‘professional’ know that a good attempt was made and more investigation can be done.

While it easy to get disheartened, especially when you may hear other mothers gloating there their kids were toilet trained very early on and learnt quickly, you need to remember their lives are not yours and so your energy and focus will need to be bought back to your family unit.

You and your child have NOT done anything ‘wrong’. Your parenting has not caused this, and in time, once you and your child achieve this, you will look back and be just so proud of yourselves because your determination and consistency and routine not only taught your child how to use the toilet, but you have all learnt the great life lesson that things don’t necessarily come easily, but if it’s important to you, it’s usually worth the effort put in.

If you would like to know more about my work, please Sign Up for my Free Newsletter and be sure to receive all the latest news.

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by Kerri Stocks

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“How do I tell my child who has Autism that their grandparent has just died?“

Kerri Says …

First of all, let me extend my condolences to those of you who have experienced death very close to them.  Death can mean many things to different people – trying to make sense of it as an adult can be hard enough, but as a child, it can be extraordinarily difficult to understand.

If the child isn’t asking for Granny specifically, I would suggest not bringing the subject up until you are properly prepared.

However, if the child IS asking for Granny, or if their environment is significantly altered because of what’s going on around them, gauge their mood and then formulate your response in advance. I think it’s also important for you to take your religious & cultural beliefs into account and keep referring back to these as you formulate your approach so that you maintain some degree of consistency and reduce any possible confusion as they grow older.

At some point however, you will need to choose your time to explain it to them – but at the end of the day, like anything with an Autistic child, you have to tailor your responses according to their developmental age.  Understanding that they are very factual and literal, it will be important that you are compassionate, but honest and clear about what has happened – don’t try to hide it, and don’t be afraid of using the correct words like “death’ or “died”.  These kids tend to think in very black & white terms, but you will often find that this will help your cause – having them move into a state of acceptance.

For some children you might only need a simple “Granny can’t come anymore”, or “We can’t go see Granny anymore” without having to go into the whole deep & meaningful “Granny’s dead” bit – that might not be what they are asking – but this is not a long term solution! Keep It Simple is always a good place to start and you can build from there if you need to.

For other children who are more developed, they may require a more detailed response, but even then it may have to be simplified for them – I wouldn’t put it in terms of  “Granny is having a really long sleep now and won’t be waking up” as this may make the child fearful of sleep – not a good outcome.

Bryan Mellonie & Robert Ingpen put it this way, and it may help you:

“Have you ever wondered why a butterfly lives for only a few weeks?
Or why a tree lives for hundreds of years?
You may have been sad when someone in your family,
Or a favourite pet became sick and died.

There is a beginning and an ending to everything that is alive.
In between is a lifetime.
Dying is as much a part of living as being born.”

So if you perhaps explained it to them in terms of an animal who may have passed away or even print out some pictures from google of how an apple starts off as a seed, grows into a little apple, then into a big fat healthy apple, then it starts to wrinkle and change colour as it ages and then eventually it gets so old that it has to be buried in the ground – you can explain that Granny / Gramps, just like the apple, had a beginning and an end too.

But you can remind them of all the good times that you shared with them when they were alive, and that it’s ok to feel sad - and don’t be afraid to show them your own feelings  as this will validate them and their feelings too (although I would suggest not letting them feel the full force of your emotions as this might scare them!).

So after their initial response, saying something like “Let’s blow kisses to Granny” or “Let’s say a prayer for Granny” or “Let’s plant a tree for Granny”, may soften the blow and possibly divert their attention for a while.

But it’s very important to acknowledge their feelings and reactions when they arise – there will always be a grief process when recognition dawns on them, and the symptoms of grief will come and go when least expected, just as they will for any human being who has lost someone dear to them – and it would be best to prepare yourself for that in advance as well.

Also, take into account your own feelings of grief, as this will almost definitely impact your parenting and levels of tolerance as well.

If your child still demands more details, then it’s at this point that you would begin to return to your religious & cultural beliefs so that you can answer them honestly from your perspective.

But one thing is for certain – you will need to put a little bit of thought into what would work best for you and your child and how & when you want to approach it.

If you would like to know more about Kerri Stocks’ work, please be sure to receive all the latest news.

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“My little boy is nearly four and he has Autism. He is still in nappies, and my problem is this: He just LOVES to strip off and do his business on the carpet. Not so much a problem in the day as I can watch over him, but at night it really is a problem. I don’t want him doing his business in his room! I’ve tried zip up sleepsuits with the feet cut off and turned backwards, tape on the nappies, he gets wise to it after a while! Has anybody got any tips, or know if you can buy special non removable (by the child) nightwear?“

Kerri Stocks Says:

Unfortunately, having a child under four years or even at the age of four they do not have the comprehension to understand that what they are chosing to do is not acceptable – simply, it is fun on many levels, from him enjoying the feelings, to seeing you react and focus on him.  Given that you have tried to tape the pajamas, turn them backwards etc (though have you tried to sew the pajamas up? Yet that can cause a problem if your son is needed to be removed from his clothes quickly), you may unfortunately have to begin a time management plan for toilet use during the night for your son.

By this I mean you will have to recognise the time your son does this and work towards redirecting him before he manages to get undressed and direct him straight to the toilet.

Being firm with him will also need to be a focus as well so he eventually learns that what he is doing is unacceptable.  At the risk of being politically incorrect, we train puppies in the same manner – putting them on a time managment plan for toileting so they do not have accidents around a house.  Eventually, with consistency, the desirable behaviour becomes rote - set in the mind – and the undesirable behaviour becomes obsolete.  Of course this will not occur over night and may take alot of your ‘night time’ away from you in the interim, but in the long run it will be worth it

I would also suggest that you read my other article on Toileting

If you would like to know more about Kerri Stocks’ work, please Sign Up for my Free Newsletter and be sure to receive all the latest news.

by Kerri Stocks

When I ask clients to tell me what ASD – Autistic Spectrum Disorder means to them they usually answer:

And well, …. I could just go on and on!

I decided to write this paper in order to give a broader and deeper understanding of ASD and how it can affect an individual’s abilities, talents and social lives.

I strongly believe that until such times, mind sets and perceptions are altered, our children and individuals with ASD will continue to meet with heavy struggles and miss out on developing their amazing talents, along with missing out on an enjoyable childhood, and a prosperous adult life.

I also hear a lot of ‘professionals’ speaking of these ‘amazing talents’ (and trust me, their talents do exist), though I am yet to see systems developed to work with and embrace these talents in a way that embraces the differences that come with ASD individuals, to help them evolve and be their best with as limited ‘damage’ to their inner being as possible.

And with this being said, please take the time to read this article and absorb what ASD really is, and how it affects individuals.

~ooOO}{OOoo~

Being Vulnerable

The fact of the matter is that people with ASD are vulnerable.  Vulnerable does not mean ‘weak’, ‘clueless’, ‘stupid’ etc, it simply means these individuals are more susceptible to becoming ‘an easy way out’ for more manipulative ways that humans use to get what they want, and/or to prove that what they perceive is fact.

This can bring with it a lot of ‘trouble’ and ‘discomfort’ for an individual with ASD because the differences in their body language and interactions may not appear as ‘Normal’. This can cause other people to assume that he/she is guilty of something ……………. and so the response to that assumption from others in society towards the individual with ASD is often negative.

An individual with ASD, due to their unique abilities and ways of being, has a harder job of functioning and surviving in this world than their neuro-typical counterparts, and being allowed to develop their skills in their own time without becoming a casualty of society is difficult – ASD individuals bust all ‘boxed’ theories.

Example:

When Scott was approached regarding an incident that had occurred, his statements could be taken as misleading – misunderstandings were inevitable because he struggled to find the correct words to explain the situation in context. His lack of eye contact as well as admitting to anything he was accused of, led to wrongful assumptions of guilt and wrongful punishments.

Unfortunately, these social and professional injustices led Scott to behave overtly, which of course led to further unjust punishments for him. **

It is not uncommon for individuals who struggle in certain areas, who are shunned by peers, or who are continually isolated in a never-ending search for friends, to be highly predisposed to influence and manipulations.

Individuals with ASD are very ‘open’ individuals and as such are subject to believing everyone, anything, and everything – this is a vulnerable trait to possess in a society of this magnitude.

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Example:

Joanne’s parents called the Police about a theft incident.  The Police asked the simple question, “Did you take the safe out of your friend’s house?”  Joanne answered with no change in facial expression, “Yes”.

Taking Joanne at face value without any further questioning or acknowledgement that Joanne had ASD, the blame was placed entirely on her shoulders, and the Police proceeded to charge her.

Had the police taken the time to observe this girl, they would have noticed significant details that may have caused them to dig deeper into the incident to expose the underlying TRUE story, which was:

Joanne had finally, after many years of being rejected and taunted, been asked if she would like to be ‘friends’ with a group of girls. However, the three girls in question had shady intentions – taking Joanne’s lunch money, even scratching her at times, but Joanne accepted the friendship she had been offered without question, and was so excited!

After school, instead of walking home alone, Joanne finally had ‘friends’ to walk with.  The head girl, the one who usually dictated what the others did, told Joanne that they had to walk past the ‘head’ girl’s house to pick up something, and so they proceeded.

When they arrived at the house the ‘head’ girl said to Joanne, “Can you go to the first room in the house, and under my bed there is a mini safe that I need so I can get some things for my mum?”

Joanne didn’t ask ‘why’, she just heard the instruction and did it.  She  walked into the house with shoes that left prints – which shows the intent was not malicious or she would have taken her shoes off – went to the room spoken about, picked the safe up, walked out in broad day light, handed it to the ‘head’ girl, and was really proud of herself because her peers were smiling and congratulating her.

The next day Joanne’s Mum asked her to meet her at a coffee lounge for a chat Joanne went to the place as arranged, and was surprised to see her sister there as well because her mum had not mentioned it.

While they were placing their order, her mother explained that she knew she had stolen the safe, that she had called the police, and that they were sitting at another table, waiting to meet Joanne. The only word that ever left Joanne’s mouth was “Okay”.

Even though the Police took her away and took samples of her fingerprints etc, still no one asked Joanne for the whole story or how it had all occurred.

Joanne was charged, yet the intent was never searched for – no one ever thought it was odd that this girl only answered with basically two words, and why she so readily said “Yes” when asked about the theft.

Also, no one thought it odd that when she explained things, she explained in such rich detail, including times, movements etc, instead of leaving out details irrelevant to the charge. The other girls were eventually brought in too, but can you see the vulnerability within an individual with ASD?

Humans are pack animals, we long for meaningful connections with others, and individuals with ASD are no different.  Because they are so often shunned by their peers, sometimes they can be so desperate to have friends – however given that they usually do not question things, and tend to just go along without the ‘Normal’ fear filters in place, it can get them into great trouble. **

Then there’s coercion …

Along with being easily manipulated, coercion is a big factor in their lives too, and having ‘differences’ in certain areas can sometimes lead well-intentioned people to ‘help the ASD person out’.  They may do this by advocating for them or helping them find the words needed to complete a whole story.

Sometimes the suggestion of something suspicious or different leads the ASD individual down a completely different track.

Example:

Bill is asked if he went to the post office, he says “No”.

The well-intentioned person asking the question really believes that Bill did go there and so keeps at him until they get the answer they want – even if it’s not actually correct And so the conversation can go something like this ……

“Now Bill, the timing is not matching up ……. you said you only went to the shopping centre, but that walk should have only taken you five minutes – you didn’t come back for twenty minutes, so you must have gone to the post office” . (Clearly an assumption!)

Bill shakes his head and swears he did not go to the post office, and so the questioning continues ……

“Bill, you won’t get into trouble if you just tell me the truth – Just say ‘Yes’ and it will all end now”.

All the while, Bill is thinking hard and begins to doubt himself because really, if the time to go the shops only takes 5mins, where did the rest of the time go?  And so Bill may assume his mind has a blank, or the other person is correct because they talk very fluently and they don’t stop questioning him, so maybe it is best to say “Yes” because he can’t remember anything now.

So Bill says, “Yes”.

“Well, aren’t you happy you told the truth? Now, what did you buy there or go there for?”

And now Bill is even more confused …**

Can you see how the art of persuasion has taken over and the suspicions were found to be ‘true’ only because the person basically “made” Bill believe what had taken place. Even though Bill was telling the truth, he began to doubt himself and so changed his story.

Yet I can almost guarantee that the person who questioned Bill will not see it that way – they will just be proud that they got the ‘truth’ out of Bill because they “assumed” to know exactly what had occurred, even though they did not walk with Bill.

Had this person taken the time to ask the correct questions, they would have found out that Bill had walked past a plant that had a bug on it that he had never seen before, and so he stayed a while to look, poke and observe this, and other creatures – One bug would ‘lead’ Bill to another bug in the same plant and got Bill to wondering how they would live together since they were so different from one another, and so time had just ‘gotten away’ on him – he never went to the Post Office at all.

Over-representing an individual with ASD can also lead to stories being changed, because other people tend to add in their assumptions, like “Are you sure you didn’t …?” or “Maybe this really happened …?”.  With these assumed theories of guilt, the individual with ASD is then easily coerced into believing that the other people are correct and they themselves are wrong, and the story somehow becomes fact even though it is false! Good intentions can sometimes be detrimental to an individual with ASD.

Disclosing their label

Being vulnerable to negative outcomes in their lives can also be bought on by having a ‘label’ attached to their unique ways.

Example:

Sally informs her co-workers that she has ASD and thinks this is a great way to help others understand her and not alienate her because they don’t understand her or her innate ways.

Unfortunately, an incident occurs at work that causes suspicion, and so the manager asks Sally and her co-worker, Beth, if they were together at the time of the incident.  Sally says, “Yes we were, and we left at 2.08pm” but Beth says, “We were together until about 1.50pm”.

The manager asks Sally why the time factor was so different, and because Sally doesn’t know, she freezes internally and says nothing more. In her mind, she is going back over the whole ordeal, and her internal emotions are beginning to stir strongly – basically she is scared and cannot articulate her side of the story.

The manager, misunderstanding her silence and interpreting it as guilt, accuses Sally of the incident.  Because her ‘condition’ raises inaccurate issues around ability and understanding etc (as dictated by the medical ‘profession’) – it is assumed that Sally must be the one in the wrong. **

At no point did they question Beth, and had they taken into account the fact that everybody’s watch runs at a different time, perhaps they would have discovered that maybe Beth had the wrong time frame and the incident would have been solved with the right person being dealt with.

Instead, by exposing her label, Sally became vulnerable to ‘copping the blame’. Because of the incorrect myths about ASD individuals, other people’s minds were already made up, so Sally could do nothing to protect herself.

Individuals with ASD are prone to ‘parrot’ details word for word – if a story changes, the individual with ASD can change the details of their story too.  Vulnerability to manipulation, body language that others can perceive as guilt, and more, are hallmark signs of ASD – especially Asperger Syndrome.

Attention to detail is another amazing talent an individual with ASD possesses as well; they can usually tell you down to the last minute what occurred, but only if they are left to tell their story without any manipulation from others.

A confession of a wrong may be given due to the individual with ASD not remembering – exactly – what had ‘occurred’. And since others are suggesting specifics – even if they are false assumptions, they may think that the incident did in fact occur but they have simply forgotten – they will put more faith in that ‘stranger’ than in themselves unfortunately.

** These stories are true accounts with names changed to preserve the individual’s dignity and anonymity.

In closing

All in all, while people with ASD are remarkable, they are also remarkably vulnerable.  They struggle to read body language and are remiss at picking up on social cues; they are seen as clumsy and awkward and unusual; they are subjected to the taunting and cruelty of their peers because of all this, and in general it is very difficult to find, make, and keep friends.

This cruel treatment by society leads them down a path of loneliness and causes them great distress and discomfort, any of which may cause further negative overt behavior, increasing their social isolation.

Unfortunately this vulnerability has even greater consequences for themselves because if left untended, they can begin to self-medicate with alcohol or illicit drugs, or even resort to introversion and worse.

Given their often-extreme vulnerability, it’s important to remember that we can play a pro-active part in their journey, and we can help those with ASD.  We need to stand as a dependable and appropriate advocate for them.  We can also help by educating any other people who interact with them, showing them how to work with them, and how to support them in their times of need. But equally as important as either of the above is that we walk our talk and be a truly compassionate “fall-back” at times when they feel extremely alone.

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Prior to having children, whenever I heard the word ‘Autism’, I would automatically picture a child rocking themselves in the corner of a room, or think that their reactions to different situations and environments would be too “over the top”.

I didn’t realize I possessed such a closed stereotypical view of Autism – until my son was diagnosed with ASD – Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and all of a sudden I had to “get real” about what Autism really was – and what it wasn’t.

Only then did I realize how varied Autism Spectrum Disorders were, and surprisingly, how each diagnosis could often vary only slightly from each other.

I also came to know that the stereotypical image I had pictured in my mind was what is classed as ‘Classic Autism’ and is but one of many disorders along the Autism Spectrum Continuum.

Please allow me to share them with you in as close to layman’s terms as possible …

Autism is a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) meaning that the development of the brain in an individual with this diagnosis is impaired.

Now to help you understand some of the terminology, here’s a bit of a clue… the term “the PDD group” is interchangeable with the term “the Autism Spectrum” or “the Autism Spectrum Continuum”, among others.

Now, within the PDD group (or in the Autism Spectrum), there are five disorders;

• Autism
• Asperger syndrome
• Rett syndrome
• Fragile X syndrome
• PDD-NOS

Because even “normally” developed individuals differ from one another, the symptoms between people said to be Autistic will also vary greatly between each individual.

People diagnosed as Autistic may struggle in social settings, may have difficulty communicating effectively, and their motor and language skills may be impaired to varying degrees as well.

Given that Autism is such a vast diagnosis, some people may only have slight difficulty in certain areas, but on the other hand, some people can experience severe challenges.

It is also helpful to know that a diagnosis of Autism is no indication of an Autistic person’s IQ – just like “normal” people, they can have very low IQ’s or very high IQ’s.

And despite what some may think, not all Autistic people are organised, quiet or unresponsive – in fact, there are people with Autism that are quite the opposite and are very talkative, disorganized and loud!.

Asperger’s Syndrome is a developmental disorder that is included in the Autism Spectrum Continuum. It is also being discussed amongst professionals as being no different to High Functioning Autism.

Individuals diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome have impairments in social interactions in that :

• they can have difficulty “taking turns” at conversation;
• they can also be deficient in ‘spur-of-the-moment’ interactions with others so they often miss sharing enjoyable experiences, games, fun and conversations;
• they may lack emotional reciprocity;
• building and developing friendships with peers at developmental levels may be difficult.

Individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome can show repetitive motor movements – for example, their hands may start flapping or their body may twitch.

They are often inflexible in their ways too, and struggle to adhere to routines or expectations that are not purposeful.

Asperger’s Syndrome may even go unnoticed, as this condition falls under the “Unseen Disabilities” label, and in turn this can cause families to experience great difficulty in receiving support and assistance on many levels.

by Kerri Stocks

Rett’s Syndrome is a Neuro-Developmental Disorder.

The symptoms consist of:

• Muscle tone loss – early on.
• Walking problems
• Crawling problems
• Eye contact is reduced
• Loss of decisive hand use as the syndrome advances and also compulsive hand movements follow soon after.
• Speech loss as the syndrome advances.

Though Rett Syndrome appears to be a lot like Autism the individuals’ loss of muscle tone seems to occur more generally in Rett Syndrome and is almost always found in girls.

The usual cause of this syndrome is a genetic mutation.

by Kerri Stocks

Research states that Fragile–X Syndrome is one of the most common inherited forms of mental impairment. A change in a gene on the X chromosome causes the Fragile-X syndrome.

This disorder can affect the individuals’ appearance in ways of:

• Long face with prominent chin
• Enlarged ears
• Variety of skeletal problems
• Double jointed
• Flat feet

Given connective tissue issues are prominent with individuals with Fragile–X syndrome, it is not uncommon for them to experience ear infections and mitral valve prolapse – this means that they suffer from a disease of the heart that is caused by the thickening of the mitral valve leaflet which are similar in shape to parachutes.

Fragile–X Syndrome can also affect the individual’s behaviour, such as;

• Speech instability
• Hand biting
• Hand flapping
• Autistic behaviors
• Poor eye contact
• Atypical reactions to an assortment of touch, auditory or visual stimuli.
• Attention Deficit Disorders – ADD

Though these symptoms can show in both females and males, females tend to present less severe behavioral, appearance and intellectual disabilities.